Stressed

So I just finished paying bills for the month. UGH!! How depressing! I had really hoped that the extra $ I am making from 31 would give us a little more breathing room financially and allow me to start paying my mom some for keeping Chase. For reasons that I don't quite understand yet, even with the extra money coming in I/we are ALWAYS broke!! I hate feeling such financial stress. And I know that we are in a much better situation that a lot of people, so I really have no room to complain. But complain I am. It is so hard and so stressful to always be worried about money.

And on top of the financial stress I am also stressing myself out about 31. I am not the type of person who does things half way - it's either all or nothing. Up to this point I have done pretty well with 31 - making my personal goal (or there abouts) 3 out of 5 months. Unless something changes quickly though July is definately going to be a disappointing month. So far I only have 1 party booked. :-( And I've tried almost everything I can think of to find additional hostesses to no avail.

I keep trying to tell myself that everything happens the way its supposed to, and that it's not the end of the world if July is not a good month. I already have 2 parties scheduled for August, and hope to get a couple more between now and then. And not having parties on the weekends will allow me time to spend with Chase, mama, Kelly, Jamie, Kristi, and Holden at the pool. I know it won't be the end of the world if July is slow, but I feel so disappointed in myself becuase I feel like I am failing. And the worry wart in me worries that the rest of the year (Aug, Sep, Oct, etc.) are going to be slow because of 1 slow month.

I really wish that I weren't so hard on myself and didn't have such high expectations for myself, but it's the only way I know. Ever since I can remember I have always set my goals high and worked my butt off to achieve them. I have always strived to be the best at everything I do and don't like coming in second place. While these are in general good qualities to have (I think/hope) they also cause me a LOT of self-imposed stress.

So I am going to try to remind myself that things are what they are and will work out they way they are meant to. And I will try to enjoy my July no matter what it brings my way, starting with this weekend. I am hoping to get in some pool time with Chase and the gang. He (Chase) did much better last weekend in the water, so hopefully we can continue the pattern this weekend. And if he doesn't, maybe Grandpa will want to babysit so mommy can enjoy the pool. :-)

Happy 4th of July weekend to everyone! (And if you are interested in hosting a 31 party in July, please, please let me know!)